Boston Marathon- A Love/Hate relationship with Marathoning

It took me awhile to write about the Boston Marathon 2013, I supose for obvious reasons. As most athletes know it takes a lot to prepare for a Marathon, and for Boston it requires preparing for 2 Marathons. By the time you are done training you have spent a year plus working on your goal. My Dad is an amazing runner, he is an inspiration to me and my sisters. One of his many dreams was to run Boston Marathon with each of his girls. My sisters had already done Boston with my Dad and now it was my turn. Boston is an amazing race and I was excited to train and qualify for it. So we decided 2013 was the year to complete this. It all started Fall of 2011 when we began training for the Carlsbad marathon. I did the Carlsbad Marathon in January of 2011, it was a pretty awsome race. I was suppose to do it with my Dad, but his heart decided to go into Atrial Fibrillation about 3 weeks prior. So he was out and planned on running just the first half with me if his A.fib would permit. Well it wasn't in the books for him so I was for the most part on my own. I managed to squeek out a 3:28 marathon which was my fastest by over 10 minutes. I was pretty excited because I didn't train the way I use to and I had a 8 month old. It didn't come without its consequences though I had IBS so bad that it took me out for the enitre day. So Nana had to take my place and hit Lego land with my kids and husband. The IBS was bad enough that I am quite honestly scared of Marathons for this reason. By July, my Dad finally got the right mix of medication to get his A. Fib under control and qualified at the Missoula Marathon. We were Beantown bound, and so excited. In January 2013 my training for the marathon picked up again. I didn't really make a plan for traiing, just to keep increasing my miles every weekend. So my Dad and I started on this journey again. There is just nothing to replace the time I got to spend training for Boston with him. The long runs and conversations, the freezing cold weather, the rainy days, and snowy runs too. It is something that is special that I don't think that many "kids" get to do when they are 36 years old. So I think it is pretty awesome. It was a rather bumpy road of training, many injuries along the way this time. It was frustrating to say the least. It seemed like I was just fighting off injuries (peroneal tendonitis, knee pain, hip issues, hot hamstring) and just trying to survive until the big day. I knew I had to keep my focus on my Dream, I just needed to finish Boston. I tried to tell myself to not expect a miracle or a PR for that matter. We would all love to see everything come into place on race day and have the race of our lives at a race like Boston, but it doesn't always happen that way. I had finally gotten the ankle pain/peroneal tendonitis manageable, when the last 20 miler before the race went downhill. I had a new hip pain that was really annoying that must have made me run funny because it set off my left hamstring. I tried to both ingnore and baby them until race day, but it wasn't looking like I was going to be racing injury free or pain free for that matter. It had finally come....race day Boston Marathon 2013. It was a little sureal to me, over a year of planning and it was race day. The crazy thing about this particular marathon is they bus 27,000 people out to Hopkington, MA and you run back to Boston. So we had to get on the subway at 5am to catch the bus out there. It is about an hour ride where you get to sit and listen to all these runners talk about their goals, achievements, theories on running fast, ect. It almost makes you more nervous. I wish I could say I was super positive and ready to race, but unfortunately I spent at least half the ride trying to figure out how I was going to ignore this nagging hip. Finally they dump you at the high school where there is an "Athlete Village" that you get to hang out at for the next 2-3 hours. It was crazy 27000 runners waiting for go time, lets just say the toilets were in full use. Once it is your waves turn to head to the start line, you dump your gear bag at a bus and start walking the 1 mile to the start line. We managed to borrow a black pen and write our names on our arms, there are 27,000 runners and probably even more spectators, so you want them to know your name when you go by so they will cheer for you. So we made sure to get marked up. At this point we are pretty psyched up. We get to the start line and I am in race mode, ready to get this going. They line you up according to your qualifying time, so theoretically we should have a great start. Well it took us almost 3 minutes to get to the start line and our first 2 miles were well over 8:30 pace, almost an entire minute per mile slower than what we had hoped for. We were a little frusterated about that, it was so crowded we were having to adjust pace and move around slower groups. Not exactly what you want for a marathon. (It stayed that way clear thru almost 20 miles) After we finished the 2nd mile were getting closer to our 7:30 pace and by mile 6 we were averaging 7:40's which means we had hauled to make up for the messy start. It wasn't at all what I had expected. It was both amazing and frustrating. The spectators were amazing, I think that spectators lined the entire 26.2 miles. I am not sure I ever saw an empty spot. I was completely impressed with Boston. About the time I was thinking this was going to be our day, we were going to run fast and we were going to PR.... my stomach went sour. I think it must have been mile 12 or something, not sure, but it came on quick and I was in the woods. We got right back on pace and well mile 16 I was in the bathroom again. This time we had to wait and it was frustrating, we had lost our few minutes we had for cush. We started back up running and Dad says "hang on a minute, something is up with my foot". It took a few steps but he got going again and we actually got back on pace. (You should have seen his foot that night....gross) We were doing great, a few set backs, but we were putting it out there. Dad was flying down the decents and I was hammering up the hills, we were a great match. Up until about mile 20.... I let my Dad go on a downhill and my hamstring came up bad when I went to catch him on the up. (I still think it had to do with me running funny from the hip issue.) Remember when I said we wrote our names on our arms, well with all the people cheering for Dan... I don't think he could hear me. So I wanted my Dad to go for it, I was excited for him. Go get the 3:20 marathon we came for, one of us ought to try!!!! So I let him go. The next 4 miles were the hardest mentally, my hammy hurt but wasn't pulled and well 2 more bathroom stops. I was letting my mind get me down, because I wasn't on pace. It wasn't until mile 24 and the Citgo sign (those that have done Boston know what I am talking about) that I thought to myself what am I doing???? This is Boston, you go for it, you will probably never come back. Don't let yourself down!! So I managed to muster up everything that was left and drop it down to 7:30 pace again. Painful...yes, but I figured that at this point if I pulled my hamstring I could just walk it in. I turned the last corner and gave it my all. I was so excited..... I was going to finish the Boston Marathon, 11 minutes slower than I wanted, but I was going to finish. I am pretty sure I gave it one last sprint and finished with a smile. That smile didn't last long and the excitment from finishing was cut short about 30 minutes later...... Once I finished, I just wanted to find my Dad. I am not a crowd person and well I just wanted to get out of the craziness. I thought my Dad was in front of me so I moved as quickly as I could, which was snail pace, toward the buses with our gear bags in them. I was really hoping to find my Dad there, I got there and he wasn't there so I put on my extra clothes and headed to the family meeting area. I don't race with a phone and neither does my Dad, we had planned on being together at the finish so we didn't see the point. Well since things don't always go as planned I had to ask to borrow a phone. I called my Mom to tell her Dad had finished in front of me and if he called I would meet him in the Family meeting area. She had told me he actually finished behind me by 2 minuets(oddly enough our time at the 40K was almost equal, must have been on opposite sides of the road). This concerned me a bit, I was hoping he was just waiting for me. I found out later as I was rushing thru the finish area, he was taking his time hoping to run into me as he thought I was behind him. It wasn't long after I got to this area that I hear 2 huge booms. In my heart I new it wasn't good, but I tried to think that maybe it was a cannon blasting, afterall it was Patriots day, or maybe two trains colliding. I new it was way to loud for either of those. I was about 2 or 3 blocks away and just around the corner so I didn't really know what was going on, but I was starting to freak out about where my Dad was. I called my Mom back with another borrowed phone, hoping he had called her, but he hadn't. I continued to wait in the meeting area for quite some time. I walked between the letters B and H, and spent a little time in the bathroom with my IBS. I finally got wind of what had happened and I knew I needed to get out of the area. So it took some convicing myself to leave without finding my Dad. As I started walking I was so busy having big talk with God, I had gone the wrong way. I was scared... scared for my Dad, scared for myself, for my husband,kids, and family at home, scared for the millions of people around me. All these toughts and feelings came rushing into my head, all after running 26.2 miles. It was a lot to take on. I asked God to keep me from panicing, to keep me and my Dad safe, to give me peace that no matter what happened next that it would be ok. I asked him for a way to contact my husband to let him know I was alright, by this time you could only text. I asked a couple when I got to Boston Commons if I could borrow their phone to call my husband, but it didn't work. She had just finished the marathon when the bombs went off, she was right there. Her husband came running out of the stands, across the finish line to make sure she was alright. I now knew what had happened, and I was more frightened. I walked as fast as I could to the subway station, it was closed. I saw the back of a man who I thought was my Dad and I started running to him, my heart lightened, when I saw him I started crying. It wasn't my Dad. The couple caught up with me and asked if I would like to use their land line at the hotel, they were staying about 2 blocks away. I took them up on the offer, I was shaking from being so cold and so upset. From there I was able to call my husband and family to let them know I was alright. It was another 1 1/2 hours before they heard from my Dad again and when Uncle Lars pick Dad up at the subway station in Belmont I was finally able to talk to him. I sobbed, I couldn't stop. I was so thankful, he was alright. It took them about 45minutes to get into Boston again to pick me up. When I finally was able to hug my Dad I couldn't let go, I couldn't stop crying. The 4 hours of not knowing was horrifying, not knowing if he was safe, or if I was safe, if more bombs were going to go off, and my personal worst fear....would I see my husband and kids agian. Even sitting here writing this down I can't seem to describe what it was really like, what I really felt. There was just too many emotions in the hours after. I can't imagine what it was like for my Dad becuase he had no idea when I finished or if I was ok until he was able to call home from the Belmont subway. I can't imagine what it was like for my husband, my mom, and my sisters who were stuck in Spokane watching the news not knowing what was going to happen. It was a horrible day, those that lost their lives, those that are forever scared, those that didn't get to finish, those that couldn't. We all had very different experiences that day, and we will all be forever changed by the events of the 2013 Boston Marathon. I now sit here and pray that God will not only help me though it but make me stronger because of it. I pray for those families that lost loved ones, those that were injured, and those of us who are emotionally traumatized. I will end with this.... I love my life, I love God and the life he has given me, I love my husband and kids, I love my family, I love my friends. As much as I love all of this, Gods love for me and you is above all. He gave his Son so that we may be forgiven for our sins. With all the evil in this world, in the end......God will Win. So even if the Marathon didn't go as planned and the evil that happened after, I love God and with that I still won.